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Under One Roof Again: All Grown Up and (Re)learning to Live Together Happily

By Susan Newman, PhD

Table of Contents

Author’s Note


Live Together? “Unthinkable!”
“Boomerang” Gets a New Definition
Multigenerational Families Make a Comeback
Mutual Admiration Society
All Together Now

Chapter 1: The Art of Living Together

Moving In or Just Visiting
Reluctant Residents
The Family System
Siblings With and Without Attitude
Together Again

Chapter 2: Establishing Boundaries

Whole Lot of Changing Going On
Putting Ground Rules in Place
Ground Rule #1: Being Considerate
Ground Rule #2: Protecting Your Privacy
Ground Rule #3: Sticking to Food Preferences
Ground Rule #4: Respecting Others’ Time
Ground Rule #5: Protecting Your Time
Solving Time-Eating Dilemmas

Chapter 3: Great (and Not so Great) Expectations

Remembrance of Things Past
Knowing the Players
Great Expectations
No One Is a Mind Reader
Family Meetings Resolve Issues Quickly
Lowering Expectations

Chapter 4: Money Matters

In These Changing Times
The Generational Divide
Your Fair Share
Pooling Resources
Stuck on the Giving or Receiving End
It’s Not Always about Money

Chapter 5: Pushing Your Buttons

The Parent-Child Trap
Coping with Control and Manipulation
Short-Circuiting Criticism
Moving Beyond Hot-Button Issues

Chapter 6: From Bedroom to Den and Back Again

Finding Space
Welcome Home
Combining Two Households
Sharing Space
What’s Mine is Mine . . . and Yours
Some Privacy, Please
There’s No Place Like Home

Chapter 7: Together and Apart

Separate Lives
Carving Out Time
Give Yourself a Break
Building Social Networks

Chapter 8: The Dating Life

Friends and Lovers
Adult Children, Single and Dating
Sleepovers—Possible or Not?
Parents Dating
Answering to Your Adult Child
Emotions Run Deep on Both Sides
The New Dynamics

Chapter 9: Homeward Bound at Twenty-Something

Twenty-Somethings Return to the Nest
You Were Commander in Chief
Older, But Not Totally Wise
The Job Hunt
The Care and Feeding of Parents
The Ultimate Plus for Everyone

Chapter 10: Older and Headed Home

Ready or Not, Here I Come
Beyond the Blame Game
When Parents Disagree
Choosing to Live with Parents
My Parent / My Friend

Chapter 11: Parents and In-Laws Moving In

We All Agree
Understanding Parents and In-Laws
Don’t Underestimate What a Parent Can Do
Dealing with Quirks and Difficulties
Smart Decisions for the Entire Family
Modeling for the Next Generation

Chapter 12: “Grandma Said I Could”

The “First Grandma” Sets the Stage
Generating Trust
Grandparent Trap #1: Safety Concerns
Grandparent Trap #2: Too Much Interference
Grandparent Trap #3: Overindulging Grandchildren
Grandparent Trap #4: At Your Beck and Call
Grandparents Fill Essential Developmental Roles
Working Together
Building Bonds
Pure Love

Chapter 13: You Can Go Home Again

The New Normal
All Grown Up and A Place to Go
Expect Less, Get More
For the Long or Short Haul
Surprising Outcomes: I’m Still Here

About the Author

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