When someone asks you for a favor, a “yes, sure” is out of your mouth before the reality of the commitment registers. You may have a people-pleasing problem.
It’s not uncommon for many of us to wonder how we got roped into being the family’s go-to task person, an extra office assignment, or making arrangements for a friend’s birthday party. Hard for you to say “No”?
May be time to reorient yourself to the word. “No” has the power to bring equilibrium to your life and help you better manage all your relationships.
The quiz below assists you in seeing your personal yes-no predicaments more clearly.
Quiz: Do You Have Problem Saying No?
Keep track of how many questions you answer with a “Yes.”
- More often than not, do you say “yes” (to doing a favor, to attending something, etc.) and then regret committing to what was asked of you?
- Do people always see you as someone who is always available — to get together, take on another work assignment, or for a favor?
- Often, do you seem to be the person called on to make personal sacrifices whenever there is a problem?
- Do you feel guilty when you turn someone down?
- Do you sometimes say “Yes” because you have a need to be loved or liked?
- Once you’ve agreed to help out, do you end up feeling duped or manipulated?
- Do some of your relationships feel one-sided? Do you find yourself asking, “What does this person do for me, if anything?”?
- Does your fear of missing a fun event or fear of being left out influence how you respond to invitations or plans to get together?
- Do you say “Yes” to favors more often than you ask things from your friends or family?
- Do you sometimes feel that you do too much for others and not enough for yourself?
Results: People-Pleasing Problem or Not?
If you said Yes to 0 to 3 questions: You do not have a people-pleasing problem. You have a healthy relationship with the word “No.” Chances are you’re good at recognizing when to set boundaries, and you know your physical and emotional limits. You likely spend most of your time doing things that you truly are interested in or passionate about.
If you said Yes to 4 to 6 questions: You may need some help flexing your “No” muscle. Maybe you have problems saying no to certain people in your life — your best friend, your spouse, your children, or strangers (such as fund raisers or hairdressers) for instance. You could be the person who “gets things done” in your family or friend group, or you could be yes-prone because you avoid conflict. To find out more, click here.
If you said Yes to 7 to 10 questions: Put yourself in the “people-pleaser” category. Chances are you are someone who does things for others, leaving little to no time for yourself, and often feel at your wit’s end.
It could be that you’ve been people-pleasing all your adult life, aiding others who thrive being on the receiving end. Perhaps you find it more challenging to refuse your parent, or your spouse. Maybe you feel especially guilty when saying “No” to your children, or at work. Ask yourself: Do you have the disease to please? Do you feel bad turning requests down? For resources, click here.
Unsure of how to change your “Yes” cycle? See The Book of No or watch the video.