NEW YORK (AP) - Social psychologist Susan Newman says "only child" isn't the dirty little phrase it was a generation ago. In fact, over the past decade, having only one child has become a parenting trend.

"Having only one child isn't selfish. It the best way for many people to parent," she says. "My research and studies show only-children do better in general happiness and in academic ability because they get more parental attention and more one-on-one intellectual stimulation."

Newman has raised families both ways: as a stepmother to four children in her first marriage and as the mother to a "singleton" in her second.

She wrote the first edition of "Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only" (Broadway Books) more than a decade ago and recently revised and expanded it.

"In 1990, there were a lot of 40- and 50-year-old onlys who weren't happy kids because there was little socializing among young children," Newman observes. "But now there are happy younger adults who were only children and they are having one child. Also, adults from larger families are having one child because they didn't like the sibling rivalry or being responsible for their younger siblings."

But, the teacher at Rutgers University acknowledges, for some parents, a bigger family is still better.

"Ask yourself as a parent `What kind of lifestyle do I want?' and `What do I want for my children?' ... If you like order, two children might be too much. If you really want a larger family, then you probably are suited for a larger family."

Having a child, whether it's a parent's first or third, shouldn't be a chore or obligation. It should always be a desire. If the desire is fulfilled while enjoying and loving a first child, parents shouldn't allow themselves to be pressured by relatives or society into having more, Newman says.

Only-children have been saddled with the label "selfish" since an 1896 study, according to Newman, but that study couldn't possibly imagine the changes in society over the next century.

"Many newer studies show only-children are not more aggressive, lonely, sickly, selfish or play with imaginary friends more than any other children."

And, she adds, the list of reasons parents are choosing to have one child is growing:

-Women are waiting to have babies until they're older, making it physically more difficult to have more than one. And once they've become mothers, many women still return to work. Dividing her time further with another child might be a challenge, says Newman, especially because mothers still do most of the child care and housework.

-Cost is a huge concern, especially after the downward turn in the economy. Raising one child will end up costing up to $900,000, including college, according to Newman.

-Parents see their singletons are well-socialized, thanks to day care, play programs and preschool.

Learning how to share and be sensitive to others are traits that can come from dealing with siblings, she acknowledges, but they're also lessons learned from being in school eight hours a day.

Of course, there are some unique challenges for only children and their parents - but nothing that can't be overcome.

"The kid is center stage and getting all the attention, and parents try to make a superchild. What needs to happen is parents need to lower their expectations and think big about discipline and responsibilities," she says.

Parents don't have to count on one child to fulfill all the hopes and expectations when there are others in the house, so that one child isn't feeling as much pressure, Newman explains. Bigger families also tend to spread out chores because it's simply more difficult to get everything done.

"An only child has full attention and all the resources. ... They also get all the joy."

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